Post by Admin on May 30, 2014 8:01:23 GMT
Living To Die or Dying To Live
Living To Die or Dying To Live
Words say so much and have a combination of meanings so many times... A person says one thing and means something else or what they say has several meanings and the one intended was not received as such.
Words in the bible Christ spoke in what was called parables at times to tell people something so they would understand it- sometimes He hid things in His words because there were things some people were not suppose to know who would hear His words.
There was a lady in the bible who said something she wasn't suppose to have and I believe to protect her He wound up not allowing her to speak for the length of her pregnancy... Isn't that something? You see God has plans- timing and purpose behind the things He does- we many times try to know everything all at once or fill in the details but He has His plans to be fulfilled at His appointed time. I can say there are things that He has allowed to slip my memory until He Himself brought them back to me or let other things spark my recollection. I can also I believe in many ways He allowed me to forget things to keep my silence when I needed to but now it's time for me to speak....
Some people may be angered by the things I say- think who does she think she is or what is it she's doing but I'll tell you what I am doing I am presenting you with the truth. You see I got caught up in chaos but God allowed me to be there. I met people who were suppose to care for Michael Jackson- who supposedly were for him and his family I mean after all some of these people worked for them- but I have to be honest with you not everyone who works for someone cares for them and that's one of the things Michael must have dealt with his whole entire career...
I met people connected with Michael before 2005 but in 2005 Michael had the trial to the allegations I mentioned in another blog already written here. That was Santa Maria, California. Before the trial started the Holy Spirit prompted me to move- clear out my car- pack- tell no one and get ready to go... I told people I was moving just before making that long trip with God always with me. My mom- I thought she would have a fit 'cause she worries a lot- even when I go on a short trip but God had to have held her tongue and gave her peace because she didn't even complain. I went to Santa Maria's pretrials driving from a different area later moving to the area and I met some wonderful fans. People loving and supportive of Michael- even when he wasn't there- they would show up to know what was going on- share information with each other and others... Beautiful hearts and wonderful people. One of them was a lady whose name is Sharee Wilkins. She'd drive down and sit through those long days of pretrial motions. She was at the trial as well and became sick I think from over exerting herself emotionally... I actually met Sharee before the trial she and I met in NYC around the time Michael had the reunion with his brothers... She was sweet then - is sweet now and has beautiful babies. During the trial I'd met many fans and at some point I was asked both by the police and the Jackson family spokesperson not to speak with the fans on court property. Odd right? It really happened. Angel Hawansky actually told me the closer I got to Michael - the more I would have to disassociate myself from the fans, I think I kind of rebelled- my response was they're God's children. Some time later a lady I was reporting for told me I needed to professionally stay away from the fans and not be praying with people - well that was a greater conflict cause the way I saw it was that if I saw someone who needed prayer I would pray and so I did, I limited the time I'd go places though trying desperately to avoid so much conflict and spent more time communing with God which was needed anyway.
I was this girl from a small town where most people I knew I'd never even told I had met Michael or done a presentation to him on stage and my family didn't know I was doing anything at the trial until I called them after one of my cousins saw me there and I knew they would talk so I called home and said a few things about doing some reporting. I was at the trial every day, day after long exhausting day then I would go to work most of the time... I'd be so exhausted but God always gave me the strength I needed to endure.
Starting out fans were really nice and we all got along- when I started reporting I was considered by some "media" and they acted as if I were tainted. Most fans I think remembered me from when I would pray with people and some would defend me when others would say hateful things. The fans being upset didn't really faze me- I mean it did but what really troubled me was when people would attack me sneaky like and were associated with Michael. I recall a lady who I will just call "Angel" being one such person- she and an assistant she had- who I'll call Gail would always seem to be creating drama and placing me in it and one day I realized it was Angel- I realized this when she refused to get on the phone and say where she stood about one thing. I realized she told me one thing and Gail another. She even played a cruel joke once telling me Michael was in the hospital saying some sort of crazy things making me think someone had given him some type of drugs that was screwing or something and had me to get up in the middle of the night and wait for her at a gas station 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning then didn't call back, answer calls or show up. I found out where she was that night by a friend of mine who worked at a hotel as a desk clerk who also cleaned the rooms there...
Anyway, I found out that people you would think would be concerned for Michael would look out for his best interest but sadly that's not the case even in one of the most desperate situations of his life people were playing games and trying to hurt those trying to help- myself included.
There absolutely no way I can explain the pain I saw in Michael from all he had to endure being in that court room having people lie about him day after day and no doubt likely seeing the news media skip telling the truth when the people who would lie on him would get caught in cross examination. His soul ached and I could feel it in my spirit. I prayed for him and cried for him. I realized it's no wonder Michael's life was so full of lying, caniving, backstabbing betraying, hateful people by how some people treated me - you see it isn't that I matter- what matters is that I was there to help him- literally sent by God and people attacked me- constantly in their sly little ways. One time I even had her send this guy- a friend of hers (whose name I will kindly leave out for now demand that I give him a press pass I had been given that Mrs. Katherine Jackson passed to Frank Dileo -to give to me. I made a call on three way- explained the situation and that man apologized and didn't bother me about the pass again. She didn't stop though... She has her secrets and I could share some of those too but for now I wont. I'm not writing here for hatred- retaliation- revenge or anything like that but I do believe certain people are still around Michael's family doing things they shouldn't be doing- influencing people with cruelty.
Here's the kicker- she acted like she was my friend and I believed she was. I'm one of those people who literally forgives and forgets but sometimes I remember... I remember one day the Holy Spirit reminded me when Judas betrayed Christ on the cross and she walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek and later that day I had a police officer being hateful towards me as a matter of fact he had the audacity to interupt while I was in a prayer circle- who interupts people praying? I paused, stared at him and said in a cold voice I'm praying then focused back on my prayer. Guess since her friend refused to bother me any longer she sought new allies.
She was against Karen Faye too who at the time I thought was a wonderful person- as of today I have questions about her that I've asked her- her intentions in but she never replied so I don't know too much about her but I did think and still hope she is a true friend to Michael.
If people like "Angel" are being hateful, deceptive etc to people like me- trying to help Michael - how were they to others? What other games have been played with who? and what were the repercussions towards Michael for those games? She told me once that she has had her job for so long for a reason- I have wondered if it was because she and others were keeping the people who really cared about Michael away from him. Fortunately he knew me well enough not believe any lies she may have told and I loved him enough to endure all that I went through while he was going through and still...
Michael's life was in constant danger, he had threats that people didn't read about, hadn't heard about or know about but they were there. Some being from people he worked with. Sony was one of Michael's biggest concerns and rightfully so- he had purchased a catalog called ATV that owned songs that were worth an incredible amount of money and Michael merged that catalog with Sony creating Sony/ATV. He wound up taking a loan against the catalog and people began to conspire to bring him down and prevent him from repaying that loan in the most despicable ways one can imagine. I can even believe Sony was involved in the allegations in 1993 of Jordan Chandler whose dad was caught on tape saying he was involved in a plan that was not all his- and he would win big time... In the 05 trial Gavin Avrizo's mother had already been caught shoplifting from JCPenneys and had conned money from people in various agencies- she had even inquired how she could sue Michael Jackson before they had ever met him. There was a lady who testified in the trial in 05 - I know I was there. The news media overlooked it but she stated that she had been hired by her boyfriend who was hired by Sony to sabotage Michael Jackson's career. Please understand they did not want him to repay that loan. When Michael was accused in regards to the 05 trial - in 03 it was when he was recording a video for his Number Ones album release. A compilation of previously released music which would have generated a substantial amount of money and helped him not to default on the loan. Sabotage. Understand when Michael releases an old or new album his fans are so supportive many times his re releases outsells new artist releases of new material.
I titled this living to die or dying to live because the way Michael suffered was like a slow agonizing death- not knowing who he could trust- who was real - who was fake- what people really thought of him- if he was love... He was overburdened in debt that he made not only from shopping as we do but from giving and having his credit screwed with by agencies that many are unaware of their tactics. How many people know their credit rating drops each time someone makes an inquiry? They drop it even if they think you have too much credit and never missed a payment in your life. It's a system stacked against the people. Michael experienced it first hand. John Branca has a lot he needs to answer for - I want answers as to what he did when and why. Has he been honest? He hasn't. There are a lot of things he knows and keeps to himself.
I had a vision once that I remembered today... It was about Michael and me- there were some things I was suppose to do that I just did that God wanted me to keep secret- it was like a mirror looking at myself in some instances and some instances it was observing things. God uses the simple to confound the wise... That's a scripture. I realize some people could be quite confused concerning things I say and do but those who know me know- I do my best to do all God moves me to do.
I may seem like a pathetic site to some - even to myself at times- but I haven't died- I'm still alive and God is still working in my life- in me. I have a calling on my life and plan to grow spiritually. I don't plan to say much else about Michael Jackson. What's there to see is there to see- the truth has been told and I've still got some writing to do on some incomplete blogs I started- one titled confessions regarding things I need to say to Michael's fans. Love lives.
Living To Die or Dying To Live
Words say so much and have a combination of meanings so many times... A person says one thing and means something else or what they say has several meanings and the one intended was not received as such.
Words in the bible Christ spoke in what was called parables at times to tell people something so they would understand it- sometimes He hid things in His words because there were things some people were not suppose to know who would hear His words.
There was a lady in the bible who said something she wasn't suppose to have and I believe to protect her He wound up not allowing her to speak for the length of her pregnancy... Isn't that something? You see God has plans- timing and purpose behind the things He does- we many times try to know everything all at once or fill in the details but He has His plans to be fulfilled at His appointed time. I can say there are things that He has allowed to slip my memory until He Himself brought them back to me or let other things spark my recollection. I can also I believe in many ways He allowed me to forget things to keep my silence when I needed to but now it's time for me to speak....
Some people may be angered by the things I say- think who does she think she is or what is it she's doing but I'll tell you what I am doing I am presenting you with the truth. You see I got caught up in chaos but God allowed me to be there. I met people who were suppose to care for Michael Jackson- who supposedly were for him and his family I mean after all some of these people worked for them- but I have to be honest with you not everyone who works for someone cares for them and that's one of the things Michael must have dealt with his whole entire career...
I met people connected with Michael before 2005 but in 2005 Michael had the trial to the allegations I mentioned in another blog already written here. That was Santa Maria, California. Before the trial started the Holy Spirit prompted me to move- clear out my car- pack- tell no one and get ready to go... I told people I was moving just before making that long trip with God always with me. My mom- I thought she would have a fit 'cause she worries a lot- even when I go on a short trip but God had to have held her tongue and gave her peace because she didn't even complain. I went to Santa Maria's pretrials driving from a different area later moving to the area and I met some wonderful fans. People loving and supportive of Michael- even when he wasn't there- they would show up to know what was going on- share information with each other and others... Beautiful hearts and wonderful people. One of them was a lady whose name is Sharee Wilkins. She'd drive down and sit through those long days of pretrial motions. She was at the trial as well and became sick I think from over exerting herself emotionally... I actually met Sharee before the trial she and I met in NYC around the time Michael had the reunion with his brothers... She was sweet then - is sweet now and has beautiful babies. During the trial I'd met many fans and at some point I was asked both by the police and the Jackson family spokesperson not to speak with the fans on court property. Odd right? It really happened. Angel Hawansky actually told me the closer I got to Michael - the more I would have to disassociate myself from the fans, I think I kind of rebelled- my response was they're God's children. Some time later a lady I was reporting for told me I needed to professionally stay away from the fans and not be praying with people - well that was a greater conflict cause the way I saw it was that if I saw someone who needed prayer I would pray and so I did, I limited the time I'd go places though trying desperately to avoid so much conflict and spent more time communing with God which was needed anyway.
I was this girl from a small town where most people I knew I'd never even told I had met Michael or done a presentation to him on stage and my family didn't know I was doing anything at the trial until I called them after one of my cousins saw me there and I knew they would talk so I called home and said a few things about doing some reporting. I was at the trial every day, day after long exhausting day then I would go to work most of the time... I'd be so exhausted but God always gave me the strength I needed to endure.
Starting out fans were really nice and we all got along- when I started reporting I was considered by some "media" and they acted as if I were tainted. Most fans I think remembered me from when I would pray with people and some would defend me when others would say hateful things. The fans being upset didn't really faze me- I mean it did but what really troubled me was when people would attack me sneaky like and were associated with Michael. I recall a lady who I will just call "Angel" being one such person- she and an assistant she had- who I'll call Gail would always seem to be creating drama and placing me in it and one day I realized it was Angel- I realized this when she refused to get on the phone and say where she stood about one thing. I realized she told me one thing and Gail another. She even played a cruel joke once telling me Michael was in the hospital saying some sort of crazy things making me think someone had given him some type of drugs that was screwing or something and had me to get up in the middle of the night and wait for her at a gas station 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning then didn't call back, answer calls or show up. I found out where she was that night by a friend of mine who worked at a hotel as a desk clerk who also cleaned the rooms there...
Anyway, I found out that people you would think would be concerned for Michael would look out for his best interest but sadly that's not the case even in one of the most desperate situations of his life people were playing games and trying to hurt those trying to help- myself included.
There absolutely no way I can explain the pain I saw in Michael from all he had to endure being in that court room having people lie about him day after day and no doubt likely seeing the news media skip telling the truth when the people who would lie on him would get caught in cross examination. His soul ached and I could feel it in my spirit. I prayed for him and cried for him. I realized it's no wonder Michael's life was so full of lying, caniving, backstabbing betraying, hateful people by how some people treated me - you see it isn't that I matter- what matters is that I was there to help him- literally sent by God and people attacked me- constantly in their sly little ways. One time I even had her send this guy- a friend of hers (whose name I will kindly leave out for now demand that I give him a press pass I had been given that Mrs. Katherine Jackson passed to Frank Dileo -to give to me. I made a call on three way- explained the situation and that man apologized and didn't bother me about the pass again. She didn't stop though... She has her secrets and I could share some of those too but for now I wont. I'm not writing here for hatred- retaliation- revenge or anything like that but I do believe certain people are still around Michael's family doing things they shouldn't be doing- influencing people with cruelty.
Here's the kicker- she acted like she was my friend and I believed she was. I'm one of those people who literally forgives and forgets but sometimes I remember... I remember one day the Holy Spirit reminded me when Judas betrayed Christ on the cross and she walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek and later that day I had a police officer being hateful towards me as a matter of fact he had the audacity to interupt while I was in a prayer circle- who interupts people praying? I paused, stared at him and said in a cold voice I'm praying then focused back on my prayer. Guess since her friend refused to bother me any longer she sought new allies.
She was against Karen Faye too who at the time I thought was a wonderful person- as of today I have questions about her that I've asked her- her intentions in but she never replied so I don't know too much about her but I did think and still hope she is a true friend to Michael.
If people like "Angel" are being hateful, deceptive etc to people like me- trying to help Michael - how were they to others? What other games have been played with who? and what were the repercussions towards Michael for those games? She told me once that she has had her job for so long for a reason- I have wondered if it was because she and others were keeping the people who really cared about Michael away from him. Fortunately he knew me well enough not believe any lies she may have told and I loved him enough to endure all that I went through while he was going through and still...
Michael's life was in constant danger, he had threats that people didn't read about, hadn't heard about or know about but they were there. Some being from people he worked with. Sony was one of Michael's biggest concerns and rightfully so- he had purchased a catalog called ATV that owned songs that were worth an incredible amount of money and Michael merged that catalog with Sony creating Sony/ATV. He wound up taking a loan against the catalog and people began to conspire to bring him down and prevent him from repaying that loan in the most despicable ways one can imagine. I can even believe Sony was involved in the allegations in 1993 of Jordan Chandler whose dad was caught on tape saying he was involved in a plan that was not all his- and he would win big time... In the 05 trial Gavin Avrizo's mother had already been caught shoplifting from JCPenneys and had conned money from people in various agencies- she had even inquired how she could sue Michael Jackson before they had ever met him. There was a lady who testified in the trial in 05 - I know I was there. The news media overlooked it but she stated that she had been hired by her boyfriend who was hired by Sony to sabotage Michael Jackson's career. Please understand they did not want him to repay that loan. When Michael was accused in regards to the 05 trial - in 03 it was when he was recording a video for his Number Ones album release. A compilation of previously released music which would have generated a substantial amount of money and helped him not to default on the loan. Sabotage. Understand when Michael releases an old or new album his fans are so supportive many times his re releases outsells new artist releases of new material.
I titled this living to die or dying to live because the way Michael suffered was like a slow agonizing death- not knowing who he could trust- who was real - who was fake- what people really thought of him- if he was love... He was overburdened in debt that he made not only from shopping as we do but from giving and having his credit screwed with by agencies that many are unaware of their tactics. How many people know their credit rating drops each time someone makes an inquiry? They drop it even if they think you have too much credit and never missed a payment in your life. It's a system stacked against the people. Michael experienced it first hand. John Branca has a lot he needs to answer for - I want answers as to what he did when and why. Has he been honest? He hasn't. There are a lot of things he knows and keeps to himself.
I had a vision once that I remembered today... It was about Michael and me- there were some things I was suppose to do that I just did that God wanted me to keep secret- it was like a mirror looking at myself in some instances and some instances it was observing things. God uses the simple to confound the wise... That's a scripture. I realize some people could be quite confused concerning things I say and do but those who know me know- I do my best to do all God moves me to do.
I may seem like a pathetic site to some - even to myself at times- but I haven't died- I'm still alive and God is still working in my life- in me. I have a calling on my life and plan to grow spiritually. I don't plan to say much else about Michael Jackson. What's there to see is there to see- the truth has been told and I've still got some writing to do on some incomplete blogs I started- one titled confessions regarding things I need to say to Michael's fans. Love lives.